A step in the right direction

From day one Asa has really liked Daddy. He played with him, ran to him first and really seemed to enjoy being with him.  Me, meh.  He liked the food I had, but really, Daddy was the fun one.  After we got home, temper tantrums are highlited with "Papa Papa Papa".  Mama is the one home all day telling him Nyet and making him take a nap.  Papa is still the fun one who comes home at the end of the day and throws everyone in the air and feeds them ice cream even after they don't eat their green beans. 

I have been worried about him attaching to me.  And me attaching to him.  To scoop up a tiny baby and nurture them is almost human nature.  It is almost an instinct.  It not instinct to scoop up and nurture a half grown stranger in a four year old body.  Especially one who hits you, cusses at you, and pushes you away.  It takes a determination and a resolve.  And it is hard.  It is hard to like a kid like that.  And sometimes harder to fall in love with a kid like that. 

The other day I was going to run an errand.  Since there are five of the little suckers running around now, if one of us has to run an errand, we try to take at least one of them with us.  Divide and conquer.  I was going to take Ezra, of course, since Ezra goes into serious freak out mode if I try to leave the room, much less, leave the house.  Asa came running also.  The garage door is next to the kitchen and if someone is in the kitchen, there must be food involved.  Sadly, I was not handing out food, just leaving.  I said, "Bye bye" and turned to open the door.  Asa was right there behind Ezra to walk out the door.  I said, "You get to stay home with Daddy!"  Asa turned and walked to Daddy, but then he burst into tears.  He wanted to go.

I told Mike that it was fine.  I honestly attributed the tears to just wanting to go, and because Ezra was going.  They are both very jealous and competitive.  If one is being held, the other one wants to be head. One of them gets his sippy, the other one must be holding his sippy.  If one of them goes potty, the other one must go potty.  And on and on, all.day.long.

Tonight we went to Josiah's school for the whole "orientation/meet the teacher/sign your life away sign up to volunteer" event.  We had a general session in the gym and then moved over to the school building.  Daddy and Asa walked ahead while I caught up with a friend.  Once Asa realized that I was not with them, he started crying.  He could not see me and it freaked him out.  Seriously.  Once I was back within view, he quickly calmed down.  Interesting development...

At the end of the evening, I was signing up to volunteer and Mike said that he and Asa would go and wait in the car.  Yeah, no.  Asa made it know that he was not leaving that building if I was not with him. 
Now I am not happy that he was scared or that he cried.  But it does thrill my heart that this little boy who has had his world turned upside down, has decided that he is going to let me into his little heart.  Oh that thrills me!

This video about sums it up for me this evening...